Meet the Staff of Big Johnson Racing

Below you will find all the vital facts about the people of Big Johnson Racing and what they do to make your life better. That's right, we sit around all day thinking about how to make your life better! Why, I'm not sure, perhaps Dr. Ablow can shed some light on that.

Now you can "thank" them personally. If you are tired of beating your head into the monitor because this or that page won't load, or the shopping cart has crashed for the 6th time right after you clicked the "go" button, you can come here and then throw darts or send an email to the appropriate staff member who can best pretend to work hard to resolve your issues.

Portrait Staff Bio

Title: CEO (Chief Executive Officer)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I am my horrorscope:
"Some unenlightened soul out there may need a little reminder of how great you truly are. Show off your love for both innovation and tradition. Technology is your servant. Confidence is your way of life."

Contact the CEO

Title: COO (Chief Operating Officer)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I only had one year of premed and 4 summers in the cardiovascular lab, so my stitching can be a little sloppy - however as far as "bang for the buck" goes... ;-)

Contact the COO

Title: CFO (Chief of F***ing up Operations)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

Math was not my best subject, but once I found out that Excel has the option for - (red) and + (black) numbers all the prices were color coded!

Contact the CFO

Title: COB (Chief Of Bitching)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I am the head of the Customer Service/Complaints Department, and Big Johnson Racing's token nod at political correctness & affirmative action. I am a quadriplegic gay eunuch dwarf, who is also deaf, dumb & blind, so I might be a bit slow to respond to your inquiry. I am considered somewhat soft in the head by most callers except the Democratic Party pollsters.

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Title: SOB (Son of a B****)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I am the guy that hired the COB

Contact the SOB

Title: LSD (Lead System Designer)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

Under the guidance of Timothy Leary I design everything you see at Big Johnson Racing unless someone else did, but at the budget the CFO authorizes for outside contractors, it is mostly me.

Contact the HDE

Title: CSS (Custodial Services Supervisor)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I'm good with a broom and have even been known to ride it occasionally.

Contact the CSS

Title: MSS (Mail Services Specialist)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I'm the person busy getting coffee when your important phone call arrives and playing Wolfstein 3-D when I should be reading the email. I have 6 years community college training in basic office applications. I finally became an ordained secretarial counselor from the Universal Life Church with their "ministry in a box".

Contact the MSS

Title: PSA (Packing & Shipping Administrator)
Name: Mark Johnson

Job Description:

I have a 11th degree black belt in taping and box kutting, and can tell you the brand of packing tape on the box by the smell of the adhesive. My cardboard recycling skills are unmatched and I am a legend in my own time at the local dumpster diving grand prix.

Contact the PSA

Title: Blondie
Name: Blondie

Job Description:

Being Blonde

Contact the REAL BOSS

Title: Webguy
Name: being zoe

Job Description:

The Webguy primarily vanishes for weeks on end, distracts himself with small pieces of lint, and drinks way too much coffee.

Favorite Quote: "My name is zoe...I think you have heard of me."

Locate the Webguy

Title: Better Webguy
Name: Scragz

Job Description:

The Web guy formerly known as Zoe was caught sleeping, so Scragz made a power play to the superior "Better Webguy" position

Favorite Quote: "I hope it’s not Wednesday."

Contact the Webguy

happy guy

Title: CSA
Name: Happy Guy

Job Description:

The Chief Spiritual Advisor...

Contact the CSA

Satan

Title: SATAN
Name: SATAN, aka "the devil" - "the evil one" - "the guy with horns" etc.

Job Description:

For all those things that I don't have time for, he does. Dividing his time between buying up souls and randomly re indexing his site he still has a few moments everyday to have a little fun at our expense.

Contact the SATAN

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Using this site means you accept its terms.

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BJR products are competitively priced for maximum market penetration, consumer accessibility and to discourage other guys bothering to try and copy our stuff.

All of BJR's products are intended for off-road (racing) use only. The buyer assumes all responsibility for proper installation and use of products purchased from BJR. BJR warrants all products to be free of manufacturing defects for 30 days from purchase, and some items may have a longer warrantee. BJR does NOT warrant its products against damage from mishandling, improper installation, racing mishaps, or other incidents or accidents beyond the control of the manufacturer. [ if this wasn't enough then CLICK HERE ]

All eye contact with this site is used only for displaying the results of our sweat and labor. No personal retinal scan data is saved, and none of your personal surfing habit data is used for any other application other than reporting your every move to the Jesse Helms Anti-American Web Surfers Detection Committee. This web site does not knowingly solicit information from children under the age of 13. This site is for Mark's entertainment purposes only.

 

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